“Growing Tired of Calloused Knees” attempts to carry the multitude of issues that stem from domestic abuse as a catalyst for mental illness, poverty, and substance abuse. Domestic violence, specifically against women, is an epidemic that is rarely addressed as such, especially amidst the global pandemic of COVID-19. These violences have only been exacerbated due individuals being locked down with their abusers. In Rebecca Solnit’s essay, “The Longest War”, she writes about these alarming statistics, bringing to light just how often these life-altering instances occur. Solnit states, “A woman is beaten every nine seconds in this country. Just to be clear: not nine minutes, but nine seconds. It’s the number-one cause of injury to American women”. These are only the statistics that can be applied through reports, but we know the reality is much worse.
Due to my ex step-father, David, physically and mentally abusing my mother, Tammy, she was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and severe Post-traumatic stress disorder. Neglecting psychiatric help, she turned to drugs and alcohol to suppress the disease. As a result of these changes in behavior and lifestyle, our relationship and power dynamic as mother and child changed drastically. “Growing Tired of Calloused Knees” is not only a photographic investigation of my mother, but a tool to build a new relationship with her through collaboration and documentation. These images show the tribulation of the permanent effects of abuse: poverty, disordered living, relationships left to be rendered. By showing multiple portraits where facial expression, weight, and coherency often change, the viewer is let in on the irreversible alterations that schizophrenia and addiction have attributed to my mother’s behavior. Through portraiture, I’m documenting how these traumas have affected our body and psyche. Photography as medium allows for an evidentiary result through a materialization of my body that is not often felt due to trauma associated with David. These images allow a similar experience for my mother who experiences hallucinations as a symptom of her illness.